where will we go when stars don't shine any more? What will we do? Will we still dream? Will we still aspire? Life is so endless in so many ways. But it begins over and over so often. Nothing is ever the same. Every breath. Every sigh. Is different.

I'M A QUITTER.
i was raised by quitters.
you become what you see.
i'm playing the victum card.
but most projects i start i quit.
my oldest brother quit college twice.
my other brother quit high school. and dont get me started on what he has failed to complete.
my mother tried to become a US citizen and failed for lack of.....
my father i belive failed to completly grasps the english language.
i was raised by quiters and i must fail to not stand out. i must lose my motivation. my insperation. lifes too complecated. ill find the easy way out. taking a job that has no heart but all it has is earge to be something else. and always searching for the time to relax. always streesing over what will come tomorrow.
no i dont want your life of example. yelling out of anger is not apart of the life i want. maybe i need a new life of example. ill grow up n be someone you didnt dream up for me. im sorry to disappoint but i have my own dreams to find.

I became a major screw up this semester. I let my emotions fog my vision. I allowed my self not to do anything productive for my self. I became so passive. I completly wish i could go back and shake my self awake. But that has passed. I can only look fwd. Hopefully after summer i have changed for the better. Hopefully i have a job. So i must become more responsible. Less passive. More motivated. Maybe I'll finally find what i need. Possibly I'll change. That is too much to ask for of just one summer. But maybe I'll finally grow up.

One more year.
One more summer.
We all say this time it'll will be different.
We will see things we have never seen.
We will do what we have never done.
We will RULE THE WORLD THIS SUMMER.


but summer is practically here.
what will we do?
the usual?
I assume, maybe this time we will conqueror.
To us we toast, to them we drink.
To you I say goodbye, to them I say hello.
What will we do for our summer?

I'm 19, and have no real hopes and dreams
I'm always dreading school.
My parents want me to find a job.
I really need the money.
I'm always broke.
I don't know what I want with my life.
I can do SOO much better but I have no motivation.
I'm the biggest hypocrite I know.
I don't care much for others.
But I'm always searching for validation.
My perfect day is staying in bed and doing nothing.
I'm a waste.
I feel like art is my future.
But I don't know what path to take.
I don't want to go to school.
It cost way to much money.
I don't want to be in dept.

Lotto is for dreamers

I Hope one day I'll be crazy and OLD.
but completely Zane.
My 87 year old grandma, would only wear her 10 year old {or older} glasses, when she was staring at her lotto tickets. She wanted to know how many scratchers failed her. When I feel "lucky" I go and get a scratcher, I Win a Dollar to maybe 5 bucks. Never have hit the JACKPOT yet. when i go to Disneyland and get a "tarot" card it always read "you will inherit a fortune."
I truly NOW believe I did. I Inherited my grandmother craziness AND I LOVE IT. So in her Honor I Believe in my life time I WILL win the lotto. Because I'm a dreamer just like you Abuelita. I will continue our dream. and blow my dollars away.

Rambles of my mind.

New month. New number.

But I still remember what happened a few weeks, days ago.
Its still fresh in the back of my mind.
I'll be silence and it crawls up on me.
Like the sun on the moon.
Time heals.
Time destroys.
Evey thing comes to an end.
Grim reaper please take me?
When its the Right moment in my life?
No its always tragic even when your begging for it.
When you no longer want to live, Your body shakes, for you to take your last breath and never release the air again.
Flesh color leaves your body.
Ghost white is your corpse.
They doll up your body.
That figure who lies before me is not her.
She is gone, Everything about her is not this corpse.

What was her Essences is gone.
All we have is memories.
Pictures.
Heart ache.
One day we all hope to reunite.
But, we'll see if that realm even exists.

Once upon a time we all live.
and then we all die.
the end.

I love you.
I miss you.
I'll continue my 'life' in your memory.

Happiness.
Sadness.
Madness.




Fucken awesome