2013 recap

I have to say it was a good year.
I had a decent amount of drinking.
Had two different jobs.
Got offered a promotion. I should be starting that Soon.
I let my guard down. I fell in like to be crushed. You learn and live. I'm glad I'm not totally dead. Or not as dead as I like to think.
I went to warped. That shit was a blast.
I went to Vegas for the first time. I had an old people vacation just drinking and smoking and hitting the slots.
Only had two parties this year.
Lost a beloved pet. Rip dare. <3

Broke off a lot of "friendships" finally learned to let go of past emotions. "Throw some dirt over that shit"

I feel a lot more at peace. I just need to look forward. Look for new adventures. Say I want to explore and fall threw. My biggest goals this year are bartending school  and go to coachella or Ireland. Hopefully I travel out of the country this year.
:)

Conversate

Let's conversate of the dreams we never had. Of the life you never lived your not even 23. Already gave up on life? On a life you never began. Your still a child. Your still trying to survive. When did you give up? The moment you grew up?

cycle

Just realized my life has been on repeat for the past 5 years.



time for something new.....

Soon to be 23

Life you are weird.

 

Or more like I'm weird.

 

This has been a weird past few months. Whirl wind of emotions. A lot of reflection as always.

 

I hate being broke about 90% of the time. My mom, She stress me the fuck out. I can't handle living in this poverty any more. this was fun when I was 19.

 

But I'll be 23 in a month. I'm back at school. Today I decided to skip class. I am currently avoiding homework, because I left my book in my car. Its too far.

 

Oh laziness how I flirt with you. You will be the death of me. I won't die tragically. I'll die a slow boring death just like my life.

 

Wish I could stick with something and not doubt myself about it. I'm too much of a coward to actually do anything.

 

What happened to the adventures I used to crave? They died right alone side all the money I blew away. Fuck I miss money. Money is awesome. I hate being poor. I'm looking for a better paying job.

 

I dislike that minimum wage will be going up to $10 here in Cali. its like GREAT now the cost of living here will go up THAT much more! I'm bored of this life. Time to find a new adventure, I could afford. I want to move away. Or maybe fall into something new like I used to do. I guess I feel into this odd rut. I don't even know who the fuck I am now.

 

Oh 23 year old you ganna have to piece back together this mess I've left for you. Ha! lets see how well can you manage. Maybe you'll FINALLY learn money managing skills.... oh wait nope you wont do that! you can expect miracles in a life time. BAHAHA

 

fun fun fun.

 

tragic fucked up life awaits.

 

lets see how far you can go with this shitty card you dealt your self.

First you started with a beer. Then you smoked a cigarette.
Had another beer. Then said fuck it to everything.

How much?

How much do you hate your friends?
Why do you still speak to them.

I'm tired of so many things. but mostly tired of this attitude.

everything is shitty, specially your shitty point of view.

I'm done. I'm toast.

Time to give up...give up on this attitude.

When i was on a better path I was still depressing and annoyed by everything.

Everything is funny but it seems to be depressing at the same time.

I don't need a therapist.

I know what is wrong. I can fix it on my own. But I need to stop helping others. You all wore me out. You are all children. As well I am one too.

I only pretend, I try to be the best personality in-front of everyone.

but everything is a dark spiraling joke. just you need to realize that. the sooner you do, the better.

I always lose my point of my rants. but its fun, to not make any sense to most people. but "I completely understand what you are trying to say"

because its easier to read between the lines then to actually listen to the message you are pretending to say.

i don't believe the bullshit that comes out of your mouth anymore.

its more fun this way,

because you are a joke.

I knew

I knew something was fishy. But I wasn't sure. I kept looking for answers. And I found what I was snooping for. I knew all to well this was going on. The lies. The insincerity.

I knew. But how to I walk away. Just cut the cord? And pretend it never happened? Ok. I can pretend like nothing happened. I'll get over it. I'll just store it in a box. And never look at it again.

Just walk away.