the low lives.

What happened to the losers?
To the forgotten kids? the Low lives?
Did you ever wonder?
or are you one of them?

The ones who went into the working field and said fuck it to school.

Flipped off the teachers after graduation and said HELLO MONEY.

What happened? were still here. we haven't changed much.

We are still the low lives.

Trying to survive day by day.

While everyone else is trying to study for midterms and finals. 

We trying to make sure we don't overdraft our accounts yet again.

Who knows

Those moments where your heart hurts. It feels like someone is squishing it with there hand.
I believe this is heartache and sorrow.
But im still confused by it.
Something in my chest is holding my heart down.
Making it hard to breath.
Heartbeats jumping up and down but yet it feels faint.

What is happening to me?

Spy Movies

Make me wish I was worth it.

Wish some secret service thought i was the one. the one to be a part of something greater then what is before me. Instead of being a part of this shitty average life.

But it all only lives in the movies. the novels. of the greater gods. From the great imaginations.

I wish i would could have a been a mini genius from birth like they are in the stories. Could have had the greatest tragedy happen to me. to make me stronger then who am i.

To be able to kick ass in a heartbeat.

To know how to shoot a gun.

Martial Arts.

Get away with murder.

Well for a better cause.

"pull the trigger to defend a greater that doesn't even know we exist."

I always have these amazing stories in my mind, but I don't know how to put the pen to ink. or the make my fingers click.


.....................................

Hurt

I'm so lost.

woke up as if it was a regular day. sent the message to only to get told to get lost.

but I am lost, I dont know where im headed. Ive lost sight of any path.

Everything I had last week has disappeared. I speak of it all as a big giant joke to hide the hurt.

I get angry, but when I'm angry how quickly i come to these hurt realizations. Reality has sunk in.

This all hurts.

I need to look for a better tomorrow. but its so hard to leave my nest. its so warm. nothing can hurt me here in the little cave.

The darkness.

its feels so nice. i love it here. it hides me from the world. i no longer have to see the imperfections.

everything is so dark and beautiful. the sun it just hurts my eyes. its too bright. Too much light.

It still hurts. so know ive lost so much to gain so little.

i guess its life.

we must get hurt to learn.

how else will we learn not to do this again.

carry these physical and mental scars as the memories of days past. look at them and remember I AM BETTER THEN THIS! I CAN DO ANYTHING.

Just leave these hurt feelings in yesterdays memories. Because tomorrow I am Better. I am Stronger then yesterday!

Lost

Sometimes we need to appreciate the time we spend alone. Lately i haven't been able to appreciate others company.  Maybe its cuz ive been sick.  But it feels odd. Im moody. And out of no where. Super depressed.  Its that time again where i sit back and look at where im going in life. I was going nowhere once again.  I need to appreciate the little things again.  its one self destructive habit after another. :( i need something more once again.