Conversate

Let's conversate of the dreams we never had. Of the life you never lived your not even 23. Already gave up on life? On a life you never began. Your still a child. Your still trying to survive. When did you give up? The moment you grew up?

cycle

Just realized my life has been on repeat for the past 5 years.



time for something new.....

Soon to be 23

Life you are weird.

 

Or more like I'm weird.

 

This has been a weird past few months. Whirl wind of emotions. A lot of reflection as always.

 

I hate being broke about 90% of the time. My mom, She stress me the fuck out. I can't handle living in this poverty any more. this was fun when I was 19.

 

But I'll be 23 in a month. I'm back at school. Today I decided to skip class. I am currently avoiding homework, because I left my book in my car. Its too far.

 

Oh laziness how I flirt with you. You will be the death of me. I won't die tragically. I'll die a slow boring death just like my life.

 

Wish I could stick with something and not doubt myself about it. I'm too much of a coward to actually do anything.

 

What happened to the adventures I used to crave? They died right alone side all the money I blew away. Fuck I miss money. Money is awesome. I hate being poor. I'm looking for a better paying job.

 

I dislike that minimum wage will be going up to $10 here in Cali. its like GREAT now the cost of living here will go up THAT much more! I'm bored of this life. Time to find a new adventure, I could afford. I want to move away. Or maybe fall into something new like I used to do. I guess I feel into this odd rut. I don't even know who the fuck I am now.

 

Oh 23 year old you ganna have to piece back together this mess I've left for you. Ha! lets see how well can you manage. Maybe you'll FINALLY learn money managing skills.... oh wait nope you wont do that! you can expect miracles in a life time. BAHAHA

 

fun fun fun.

 

tragic fucked up life awaits.

 

lets see how far you can go with this shitty card you dealt your self.

First you started with a beer. Then you smoked a cigarette.
Had another beer. Then said fuck it to everything.

How much?

How much do you hate your friends?
Why do you still speak to them.

I'm tired of so many things. but mostly tired of this attitude.

everything is shitty, specially your shitty point of view.

I'm done. I'm toast.

Time to give up...give up on this attitude.

When i was on a better path I was still depressing and annoyed by everything.

Everything is funny but it seems to be depressing at the same time.

I don't need a therapist.

I know what is wrong. I can fix it on my own. But I need to stop helping others. You all wore me out. You are all children. As well I am one too.

I only pretend, I try to be the best personality in-front of everyone.

but everything is a dark spiraling joke. just you need to realize that. the sooner you do, the better.

I always lose my point of my rants. but its fun, to not make any sense to most people. but "I completely understand what you are trying to say"

because its easier to read between the lines then to actually listen to the message you are pretending to say.

i don't believe the bullshit that comes out of your mouth anymore.

its more fun this way,

because you are a joke.

I knew

I knew something was fishy. But I wasn't sure. I kept looking for answers. And I found what I was snooping for. I knew all to well this was going on. The lies. The insincerity.

I knew. But how to I walk away. Just cut the cord? And pretend it never happened? Ok. I can pretend like nothing happened. I'll get over it. I'll just store it in a box. And never look at it again.

Just walk away.

Its time.

Its time for me to start my video vlogging again! We'll party til the sun comes up ^_^ :D

Write me a song about better times. The nights we would see the sun rise. Where we drank til we couldn't move. Smoked your self silly. Laughed your self til you almost peed. Write me a song about better times.

"Its Friday night, your at home, and all you can ask is where did everyone go?!"

It all has gone away, With the money, the drugs, the alcohol, the fun. Its all gone.

Everything is better with time they said, but all that has happened everything has gone down the drain. 

Back to blank

I feel like going on an adventure Tonight.
An endless drive to self discovery. Seeing it threw someone else's eyes.
Singing to the songs that my heart no longer feels.
Because I'm blank.
Back to the self defense mood.

The choices.Stay sober. Drink it up. Smoke the cigs n drive until your out of gas. I might need to run away and find myself again. It took me so long to get here. Now I'm as lost as i could possibly be.

Complaint

I complained to my boss that i needed a day off working at this place. If i worked one more day i would end the world! He replied think of all the money your making. 

I quickly became saddened and thought back to the money used to make just standing around. I need to move my butt n improve my life.