At least I showed up

"At least I showed up to class today"
My effort for my education is gone.
I know it, I can feel it.
I lost my motivation.
Did I ever really have a motivation?
What got me threw school in my earlier stage?
Knowing that it was all going to be over.
But it never stops, I already want to live my life how I want, I'm sick of 'the man' breathing down my throat telling me, asking me "what are you going to do with your life?!" "your only 20 whats your life plan?" "where the fuck is my result?"
I'm not a fucken scratch n sniff where u get instant results.
back off.
every day is new with the same routine.
Life is getting boring again, well at least for me, but i don't have time or MONEY for anything else.

So much damn potential but too little options. I'm twenty years old, go to school part time and work part time. I feel like I'm already hitting the wall looking for the gap to jump threw.

We go to school since the time of what 5 years old. We are thought colors, our alphabet, simple numbers. We learn silly songs its all for a reason, to simulate our brains. later we go on to grade school year after year. Middle school is the awkward stage in our life where we notice the clicks and who has boobs and who can grow two hairs on there upper lip, or for the most part that was my middle school and it all slides over to High school. Oh high school how so many adults look back and always would say "it goes by in an instant, enjoy it!" I like to think I managed to enjoy it, But i enjoyed it for the wrong reasons.
As always "your fucking up Brenda, your fucking up," was something i heard and am quite familiar with. Man that should be a catch phrase for people around me, cuz i hear it so damn often. Any ways High school, Is where i should have worked hard, pushed my self and gotten somewhere better by now. But as i am a slacker, i took the easy way, show up at school and do the bear minimum. Hey all i wanted to do was get my High School diploma, That wasnt hard to get all You honestly need to is show up

.......To be continued

Lets run away

Lets pack our shit and runaway to New York City
The city that never sleeps!
Its my Paris, Its my dream to be there some day.

Reinvent the way you think, redo you life, start a new day, breath new air
do something new, time to jump off this plane. Take a moment, snap out, move on, move out, its time, lets just go!
Whats holding you back?.....
Me
life
time
money
survival
economy
everyone
everything
sigh
Whats out there? Is What I'm living even life?
Are we suppose to Live like this? Go day to day, Breath to breath, Bill to bill, Emptiness to sadness

When?
When will I live?
My own life, I need the escape to a carefree zone, But there is no such life.
To be human you must care to some degree.

unfinished thoughts

Party like a rockstar!
Party like a rockstar!
Is what i presently have stuck in my head.
but will i ever?
will ever really party like a rockstar?
i think not
im too simple
im too lame to even do that
its not my scene its not my life
or atleast tried not to live that way

They drain me like a car left with its lights on.

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to no surprise

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