Are you kidding me?

how ignorant do you think i am?

do i seem to have an addictive personality?

I drink and smoke cigarettes.

thats all i do.

ive had pot before me and wasted it so i didnt have to smoke it.

I dont care for drugs. cheezy as line but im high on life.

im insane enough to find everything hysterical.

why would i need drugs.

they compare me to the extended family. and look at what they grew up with! drugs and violence and broken homes! you move us out the suburbs to stay away from that.

for that i thank you.

but you being so scared of everything is making me panic, makes me 'lash out'

makes me want to crave the drugs and idiotic moments they had.

but ill never do it, i know it.

i dont understand.

yes i fucked up once.

but why continue to live in fear of the monster i might become.

if ive never even meet those demons.

im a monster but pocket size it fits into this scene.

its not a demon.

i have no demons.

i have pocket sized monsters.

its called American spirit and liquor.

i can control them.

tell me when have i been out of control with them?!

i know when to quit.

please stop living in fear of what i might become.

let me be me and embrace it.

i know when to stop and when ive had enough.

stop being a drama queen.

Phew....


im trying to be honest


but i feel like im walking on eggshells

please please

dont blow up in my face


im trying not to lie as much as i would

its called being 98% honest

cuz 2% of the time you need to twist it alil ;D


was honest with one... now with the other =X

hmm

odd

for once I dont feel lost.
I'm okay where my life is at.

I'm happy.

I'm finally enjoying each day as it comes with the ups and downs.

just need to enjoy the ride

so 21

doesnt seem so bad

adonde vaz?
what r u doing?
seem to always in this fucken circle
get out of this fucken rut
just run
escape
snap
awake
some day.

i dont get
been threw all this shit
and over this its over
whatever
oh well
like always gotta say FUCK IT
maybe tomorrow will be better
n closer to a better life

honesty
oh fuck how i would love to
but you cant handle i got in mind
it would destroy too much
and destruction is what i know best
reparation is hard to do
when all you can do is destroy


just pretend nothing was said
nothing happened
just slowly walk away
with a slightly panicked heart
raising pulse
throbbing
your not nervous
im not worried
fake
fake it til you make it


nothing makes sense of what you have read
simply because it only makes sense if you where in my head
ha i write this last section like if someone where to read this,
no one will
and im okay with that

its nice to know what races threw my head can go somewhere else besides my own mind

Life and Death
Where do we go beyond the grave?
We dont know, "God only knows"
Who are you oh mighty god?!
Why are we soo much lesser to blindly follow words other claim are yours.
"Forgive me father but I have sinned"

ill die some day,
So today ill take a cig.

Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dush, Beer and Rum, Tequila all day

do you ever lie awake wondering why?
why do you do this to your self?
how can this be?
where can you go?

stop

you over analysis your life too much

too many moments, nights just laying awake with no other thoughts in mind

Impulsive

I'm an impulsive buyer.
and at the end of week 2 im dying to get my paycheck.
I can never go somewhere n be like "no i dont need it" i always give myself an excuse to buy something.

time drive before car meggedon

Body modification

Tattoos, piercings, plastic surgery
I personally only want tattoos.
-Raven on a Skull
-Tiger
-Portrait of my grandma
-"live to die"
that's all i want as of now.
tattoos are amazing art pieces when done right, but so easily can go terribly wrong.
Yes, I only have one tattoo as of now.
but i love the spider i got, so many people always complement it, Yeah i totally believe it was worth the money i payed
I dont think going cheap on the price is worth the work, cuz buddy your getting what you payed for. do u really want a shitty portrait of ur dead mom on u for the rest of ur life? yeah yeah you CAN remove it, but is the painful persigure of lazering off work you COULD have gotten well done piece from the start really worth it? shit a few extra bucks just might be worth it from the start.
All im saying is DO NOT cheap out when it comes to tattoos. A tattoo is a part of you. You want it to say the right kind of FUCK YOU to the world.
Do the research, pay the price for a decent piece, it really sucks when im looking at peoples work n all i say "oh wow thats really cool" and all im thinking "omg thats a train reck was the tattoo blindfolded while they did the piece!?" Just dont go to you friends friends cousins back room tattoo "shop" which is a dark room with a sofa. Thats a shady place, thats a shady piece.
Back in high school this Hoe, yeah Hoe, got a a fucken playboy Bunny on her back right ontop of her ass, see thats why i said Hoe. She got it for 20 bucks at a party while drunk. [TRAIN RECK!] two days after getting the piece she had to hospitalized, Why? because it got infected turns out the needle was used on a few other people. After getting testing, and giving a shit load of medications it heald up. damn the poor tattoo didnt see it coming it was patching and disgusting. Moral of that little story is DON'T CHEAP OUT and watch the enviorment where you getting your work done.
Do they wear gloves?
Do they change them often?
Did they open the neddle packege infront of you?
did they use disposible ink holders for the ink they where using on you?
did the machine get new plastic?
Did they proberly throw away your needle?

I promised to never grow up.
But i already grew up.
Now i just need to get these bills in order.
With adulthood comes responsibility,
Im so young, and all i see myself doing is jumping.
jumping from a tall place n feeling the wind.
not too a suicide drop but to an adrenaline jump

To a new day

To a new day we say hello
To the new air to the new ways,
but do we ever really say goodbye to the old you?
Death come n goes, everyone leaves even if they dont want to,
This is life
Here's to a new day, What will come of tomorrow?
New life? another death? Another amazement? Another disaster?
Who knows, we will only know when we wake up for the new day...if we do

At least I showed up

"At least I showed up to class today"
My effort for my education is gone.
I know it, I can feel it.
I lost my motivation.
Did I ever really have a motivation?
What got me threw school in my earlier stage?
Knowing that it was all going to be over.
But it never stops, I already want to live my life how I want, I'm sick of 'the man' breathing down my throat telling me, asking me "what are you going to do with your life?!" "your only 20 whats your life plan?" "where the fuck is my result?"
I'm not a fucken scratch n sniff where u get instant results.
back off.
every day is new with the same routine.
Life is getting boring again, well at least for me, but i don't have time or MONEY for anything else.

So much damn potential but too little options. I'm twenty years old, go to school part time and work part time. I feel like I'm already hitting the wall looking for the gap to jump threw.

We go to school since the time of what 5 years old. We are thought colors, our alphabet, simple numbers. We learn silly songs its all for a reason, to simulate our brains. later we go on to grade school year after year. Middle school is the awkward stage in our life where we notice the clicks and who has boobs and who can grow two hairs on there upper lip, or for the most part that was my middle school and it all slides over to High school. Oh high school how so many adults look back and always would say "it goes by in an instant, enjoy it!" I like to think I managed to enjoy it, But i enjoyed it for the wrong reasons.
As always "your fucking up Brenda, your fucking up," was something i heard and am quite familiar with. Man that should be a catch phrase for people around me, cuz i hear it so damn often. Any ways High school, Is where i should have worked hard, pushed my self and gotten somewhere better by now. But as i am a slacker, i took the easy way, show up at school and do the bear minimum. Hey all i wanted to do was get my High School diploma, That wasnt hard to get all You honestly need to is show up

.......To be continued

Lets run away

Lets pack our shit and runaway to New York City
The city that never sleeps!
Its my Paris, Its my dream to be there some day.

Reinvent the way you think, redo you life, start a new day, breath new air
do something new, time to jump off this plane. Take a moment, snap out, move on, move out, its time, lets just go!
Whats holding you back?.....
Me
life
time
money
survival
economy
everyone
everything
sigh
Whats out there? Is What I'm living even life?
Are we suppose to Live like this? Go day to day, Breath to breath, Bill to bill, Emptiness to sadness

When?
When will I live?
My own life, I need the escape to a carefree zone, But there is no such life.
To be human you must care to some degree.

unfinished thoughts

Party like a rockstar!
Party like a rockstar!
Is what i presently have stuck in my head.
but will i ever?
will ever really party like a rockstar?
i think not
im too simple
im too lame to even do that
its not my scene its not my life
or atleast tried not to live that way

They drain me like a car left with its lights on.

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to no surprise

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Moo says le cows.... or as claudia says 'mhhheeeee'

A neg blood any one?

today's donation

Fucken can cut me

Quiero hacer algo con mi vida pero ni se que camino tengo que tomar.

I want to do something with my life but I don't know what path to take.

Dear Germany,
I say hello, You are the country whom has viewed my blog the most well AFTER the United States.
I find it odd but funny. What the hell did you people read from my blogs sooo damn much. I hope It was at least interesting and i didn't make us (united states people) seem stupid. oh wait toooo late.
i doubt anyone will ever leave a comment on my blog. on that note GOOD NIGHT!
-Brenda Bip

1st time since grade school, im messing with water colors..... i might be tree crazy

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its making me go insane!
I MAKE LESS THEN YOU!
but I need to bail you out
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE!!
stab me in the eye PLEASE!
I'm done! so done u can't even flip me over!
blllllaaaaahhhh