Every time i go somewhere
I think how better my life can be.
Then i think of the amazing things I've seen. And how much it would take for me to be on that path.
Then i get distracted by my day to day bullshit.
I wish I was on a path to a better place. I'm so blinded by looking back when I'm driving forward.
I get lost in the meaningless details. I wish I wouldn't dwell on stupid shit.
I wish I was someone else.
I wish I wouldnt let things knock me down.
I miss me.

Once upon

Once upon a story.... 

there was a monster....

you locked the doors... 

but the monster was in your head.... 

Why do we lock the doors.
And claim to have thrown away the key.
These demons are a part of us.
We are them.
But do we feed the anger.
                        the hate.
                        the lust.
                        the sadness.
Or do we walk away and try to put those demons to rest.

Day by day. Night by night. We make the choice to look the demons in the eye and say FUCK YOU! I'm better then you. You can't hurt. You can't hold me down. Im better then who you where yesterday.


Why do we lock the doors?
When the monsters are in our heads.....

the low lives.

What happened to the losers?
To the forgotten kids? the Low lives?
Did you ever wonder?
or are you one of them?

The ones who went into the working field and said fuck it to school.

Flipped off the teachers after graduation and said HELLO MONEY.

What happened? were still here. we haven't changed much.

We are still the low lives.

Trying to survive day by day.

While everyone else is trying to study for midterms and finals. 

We trying to make sure we don't overdraft our accounts yet again.

Who knows

Those moments where your heart hurts. It feels like someone is squishing it with there hand.
I believe this is heartache and sorrow.
But im still confused by it.
Something in my chest is holding my heart down.
Making it hard to breath.
Heartbeats jumping up and down but yet it feels faint.

What is happening to me?

Spy Movies

Make me wish I was worth it.

Wish some secret service thought i was the one. the one to be a part of something greater then what is before me. Instead of being a part of this shitty average life.

But it all only lives in the movies. the novels. of the greater gods. From the great imaginations.

I wish i would could have a been a mini genius from birth like they are in the stories. Could have had the greatest tragedy happen to me. to make me stronger then who am i.

To be able to kick ass in a heartbeat.

To know how to shoot a gun.

Martial Arts.

Get away with murder.

Well for a better cause.

"pull the trigger to defend a greater that doesn't even know we exist."

I always have these amazing stories in my mind, but I don't know how to put the pen to ink. or the make my fingers click.


.....................................

Hurt

I'm so lost.

woke up as if it was a regular day. sent the message to only to get told to get lost.

but I am lost, I dont know where im headed. Ive lost sight of any path.

Everything I had last week has disappeared. I speak of it all as a big giant joke to hide the hurt.

I get angry, but when I'm angry how quickly i come to these hurt realizations. Reality has sunk in.

This all hurts.

I need to look for a better tomorrow. but its so hard to leave my nest. its so warm. nothing can hurt me here in the little cave.

The darkness.

its feels so nice. i love it here. it hides me from the world. i no longer have to see the imperfections.

everything is so dark and beautiful. the sun it just hurts my eyes. its too bright. Too much light.

It still hurts. so know ive lost so much to gain so little.

i guess its life.

we must get hurt to learn.

how else will we learn not to do this again.

carry these physical and mental scars as the memories of days past. look at them and remember I AM BETTER THEN THIS! I CAN DO ANYTHING.

Just leave these hurt feelings in yesterdays memories. Because tomorrow I am Better. I am Stronger then yesterday!

Lost

Sometimes we need to appreciate the time we spend alone. Lately i haven't been able to appreciate others company.  Maybe its cuz ive been sick.  But it feels odd. Im moody. And out of no where. Super depressed.  Its that time again where i sit back and look at where im going in life. I was going nowhere once again.  I need to appreciate the little things again.  its one self destructive habit after another. :( i need something more once again.

apple

Im in covering for my company at an apple store. second day here. Prepping for the launch of the latest phone they will release. this has been pretty cool. Hopefully i get to be here over the weekend. this has been a fun experience so far. i hope i dont get in trouble, dun dun duuhh

twenty-one

shiitttttt

my birthday is coming up in about two months.

fawk,

I'm still in the same situation with more shit making my boat sink.
awesome I'm so proud of myself! YEAH! right!?

oh and April. i had high hopes for you!
but NADA! its alllll slllooowwwwlllyyyy moving along.

wish i could blink and just be in a better place.

but then again i would miss out on this misery and not learn anything. I would be the same person i am today.
And frankly  I love myself but dislike alot of things.

My fuck it attitude is great. I love that. Its awesome cuz shit can happen and by the end i just say MEH! OH WELL! 
........

Changes

Its that time of year again. where i reflect on my life see where im going. what have i run away from. What has changed. What has been the same. Im biggest hypocrite i know.

Are we a product of many outcomes?
or are we following a path that was set in stone?

I feel out of place
Something is off
I feel so exhausted
My body feels restless
My eyes are heavy with sleep
What is wrong?
Why this?
Hmm

system failer

We are just floating, some people are just hard wired. we are drifting.

its sad but its true we cant have peace without war.

Live to die.
Die to Live.
Life is to war as love is to peace.

We are humans we need to decided if its us or them, just to simple to survive,

if you want to live we must sacrifice our self and others.

enough of this illusion, we can not be one... but we must be individuals inside a unit. 

we have to do evil to be good its the sad part of life.

when it comes to last moment. who will conquer the world?

The clock is ticking and time is winding down.

who will you be?

the winner? or the loser?

how does this system failer effect you?

will you be here tomorrow?

did you survey?

how will it be different this time?

we are young creatures.

we are going to make mistakes.

our bodies do not evolve but we adapt and our minds create our path.

we are obsessive.

we need balance

the correct justice.

how can we make the perfect world when we are not perfect.

error error error *system reboot*


-colab  w./ Ivan Ramos

Life is Short, Why arent you Living it?!

WHAT ARE WE?

EVEN ON A CLOUDY NIGHT I CAN SEE STARS
WHEN EVERYONE IS DOWN
I LOOK UP I SEE THE STARS BEHIND THE CLOUDS

SOME DAY WE'LL ALL DIE
ITS NOT OVER UNTIL
WE'RE SIX FEET UNDER
OR WE ARE DUST
ITS OVER

LIFE IS STRANGE. WE ARE JUST THE ACTORS. THE BEAUTY IS THAT WE CAN ALWAYS CHANGE, EVEN WITH ALL THE HARD WORK

WE CAN CHANGE THE WORLD BUT DOES EVERYONE WANT THE CHANGE?
WE ALL NEED TO PUT THE EFFORT. THE GREATER THINGS IN LIFE REQUIRES SACRIFICE
ARE WE WILLING TO DO THAT?
WE DON'T WANT TO PUT IN THE EFFORT?
WE ARE A LAZY SOCIETY. WE TALK SO WE CAN HIDE FROM THE DEMONS. SO THEY DON'T SNATCH OUR LIVES AWAY, AS WE DID TO OUR DREAMS.
HOW MANY OF US CAN SAY WE ARE LIVING THE DREAM?

 -colab  w./ Ivan Ramos

I dont know where this is going but i hope it goes somewhere =]

Life is a new game every single fucken day.
So fucken play

80 millaseconds in the past.

80
Are you thinking to much about the future?
about time.
Aint it?
Time to stop thinking of those past millaseconds.
Lets get this party started.
Your life beings now
live it. Enjoy it.
You only live once.
now i know im going to run into some good money in the future
what will i do with it?
Will i be smart about it?
Or be a total idiot about? Hopefully i start taking my own advice.
Enjoy life but also think about my future. Save some mula here n there. But some new things. But i need to save my dinero!
no one is going to take care of me except me.
Its time i realize that and move forward.
Im pumped to wake up this morning with a new outlook and a new track in my heart.
Its a lonely joyful world. N u gotta say fuck it to enjoy it  

Life is a book... Do you read it word by word? Or do you skip the pages? Only check in when its interesting?
Only read the required reading of the week.
Do you skip to the end? Bang your dead, the end.
Living your life is your biggest assignment!
Make it right
No one can do this art project for you.
You cant pawn it off on your more creative siblings...
Learn to breath your own air.
Be your own author.
Don't let them dictate your story.
It's not a perfect novel.
You are only human.
Dont forget to breath